9/13

On most Saturdays I am happy to be home early. So last Saturday was no different. Considering that I wasn't feeling too well in the evening, I took off of from work. Drove home quite happily only to be told that there is no electricity. But when the lights came on...my television told me that there have been serial blasts in the city. For the first time in my life, I felt guilty for having left office so early! I wanted to rush back, but there was no way I could have driven back to work (my leg was all cramped!) So I stayed on to watch the mayhem unfold on my television screen.

For the first time in my life, I connected with two films that I saw recently...Mumbai Meri Jaan and A Wednesday. I could connect with two protagonists in the two films - Madhavan and Naseer. Like Madhavan's character, I felt vulnerable, very vulnerable. Having CP as an immediate neighbour, I often take off to grab a lunch or make a hasty trip to Oxford Bookstore to catch the latest book. M-block GK was my favourite haunt in college...the endless trips we made round and round on those corridors! To think that these two hubs have been ripped apart by bomb blasts, really shook me! I could have been there! I could have fallen prey...! In fact there could be a bomb anywhere I go? Sometime back, around the time the Bangalore, Ahmedabad blasts happened, The Times Group and Times Now was under threat. Apparently some terrorist outfit had blamed us for sensationalising terror attacks (btw...don't they want just that??) Anyways, we have been told not to receive any guests, not even family members in office! All our guests are frisked and their baggage checked...an exercise which is highly ridiculous considering we share space with a popular theatre joint! If anyone truly wants to target us, they can do so quite easily...let me not give any ideas! Anyways the point behind all this is that I really felt vulnerable...but at the same time I was angry. Much like the unknown Indian...the aam aadmi...I was angry at my inability to fight terror! I felt incapacitated...helpless...and weak! Unable to retaliate, I felt the fear of losing life for the first time. It wasn't the first time really. I have felt the same way each time there has been a terrorist attack in any part of the country.

My brother is quite untouched by this fear. When I told him that we aren't going to watch Last Lear, he didn't respond. But when I sat glued to my television watching the reportage, he was quite perturbed! Yesterday when I refused to let him go out of home, he pulled a long face and sulked the whole day. But today he managed to get away! Anyways, he is young...ruthless and doesn't really care for such fears! He is truly liberated!

Am I a coward? Do I lack the courage to face death? Perhaps not...it's just that I am scared of being a hapless victim of such dastardly act. If it were a natural death, I wouldn't complain. But an accident at the hands of a reckless driver...or an innocent passerby at a bomb blast site...I am not prepared to be that!

There are many who share this fear. A few watchful days and then the fear washes away. And just when we tend to relax, there is another gruesome reminder. But life goes on...I am amazed at the people of our country who refuse to let go of their fighting spirit. I like to say that I am one of those people...strong and weak at the same time.

What about you?

A Wednesday

Put Naseer and Anupam in one story and what do you get? A gripping film no doubt! 

The film is narrated in flashback where Anupam Kher a.k.a Prakash Rathod, the Commissioner of Mumbai Police narrates the most difficult day in office...the day he has to deal with Naseer, the nameless character. He portrays a vindictive terrorist outfit honcho who holds the city at ransom in return of four jailed terrorists. He is a the ultimate techie, adept at using the best of modern day technology...be it the making of a bomb triggered by a cellphone, or using multiple sim cards to make calls, Naseer leaves no stones unturned to keep the entire police force at tenterhooks. They do his bidding out of fear...only to realise that he was never a threat! 

Directed by Neeraj Pandey, A Wednesday is yet another fine story told in recent times. Aamir and Mumbai Meri Jaan were two recent films that touched on the theme of terrorism and gave us an insight into the victims' minds. In both these films you empathise with the victims and feel the fear of being caught in the cross fire of mindless acts of violence...A Wednesday takes the feeling a step forward! 

Naseer gives the otherwise silent Aam Admi a voice. A voice that is never heard...a voice that is silenced by perpetrators of terror. The average Indian wants to lead a fearless life, wants to leave home to earn his bread and butter and return home to his family every evening. The humdrum of daily life is thrown haywire when people are caught unawares in mindless blood bath caused by acts of terrorism. The one's planting the bombs are faceless people, the people who they want to communicate to are distant...the one's in the middle are people like you and me! In A Wednesday, Naseer lends a voice to the common man who lives in constant fear. His methodology may be wrong, but his message is strong enough for the administration to take note of. 

I liked Jimmy Shergill as the angry young policeman whose glare can make a suspect pee in his pants. Aamir Bashir as the conscientious cop is believable. Deepal Shaw could take some lessons in dialogue delivery from Naseer and Anupam!

But watch the film for Naseer...Anupam is rather straight jacketed and he does not compare as well to Naseer when it comes to the sheer power of performance. However, he is precise in his portrayal of a hapless police chief who is perpetually tied to the Chief Minister's office! 

       

Writer's Block

When I was young, let's say when I was in school, I wrote poems. Poems about friendship, seasons, my family...crushes and even my first love! When we formed SARRA (our band), I even penned a few songs, which I must admit never found their tune since I was always so worried about public censure! I also wrote a diary, towards which I was fiercely religious! But when I tried my hand at writing for the school magazine, I found myself to be politely rejected! Not that I was tested on my writing skills...it was just a one-on-one interview, thank God, I never got to write for it! In college, my room mate and I were inspired to write a play. During my post graduation, I tried my hand at story writing and even screenplay...all because it was part of my curriculum! 

Anyways, the purpose behind writing such a long preamble to my writing career is that I have written on several occasions. Sometimes for the sake of self expression, at others for the sake of others! But on all these occasions, I never took it seriously...never attached any importance to the act of writing a piece of fiction. 

Fiction stimulates me...I always say that one must remember a book for the story it tells. In fact that goes for any piece of writing. If the content is worth reading, there'd always be someone wanting to read it. Now I wish, I had shared my poems and not stacked them away. I wish I had sung those songs, maybe SARRA would have won some more competitions! That was my writer's block...never had the courage! I could never take the plunge! There wasn't a dearth of ideas...never! They always kept flowing...and I always kept writing. Just that I was a coward...too worried about what people would think of me!

For all those people who have known me since my growing up days, this would be a revelation of sorts. I have never shared my writings with anyone! In fact till date, I have never kept a copy of anything! Phew...all those moments of self indulgence are a waste now. I would write something, read it aloud, keep it for a few days and then tear it away! I think I only treasured the (chat) chits that we circulated in class 7th the longest! 

It's taken me a while to come to terms with my writer's block...today I am not scared of public opinion. I am not scared of the brick-bracks. I may not be as good as a Jhumpa Lahiri...but hey, I may have something worth reading! And if it is not...you are always welcome to close your window or move on to the next blog!