Am Back...

Okay...

I had to re-read my own posts to remember where was I?? The Delhi Blasts in Sept 2008...gawd! I have moved on and so has the world around me! And didn't I make myself a promise to publish myself every now and then?? What happened to that??

Okay...

I got lazy...PERIOD!

And...

I hope to be back...like I always wanted to!

Somehow I have this uncanny feeling that I resort to blogging after I have read too many of others'...you know like they say, when you read a good book, you search your soul to find a better story to tell! Thankfully my work requires me to read a lot (albeit on the net), and that is what makes me cringe at the thought that I did make it a practice to write regularly! Arghhhh...there I kick myself again!

Okay...

Now that I am done with the cussing...let's see how long it lasts this time!

9/13

On most Saturdays I am happy to be home early. So last Saturday was no different. Considering that I wasn't feeling too well in the evening, I took off of from work. Drove home quite happily only to be told that there is no electricity. But when the lights came on...my television told me that there have been serial blasts in the city. For the first time in my life, I felt guilty for having left office so early! I wanted to rush back, but there was no way I could have driven back to work (my leg was all cramped!) So I stayed on to watch the mayhem unfold on my television screen.

For the first time in my life, I connected with two films that I saw recently...Mumbai Meri Jaan and A Wednesday. I could connect with two protagonists in the two films - Madhavan and Naseer. Like Madhavan's character, I felt vulnerable, very vulnerable. Having CP as an immediate neighbour, I often take off to grab a lunch or make a hasty trip to Oxford Bookstore to catch the latest book. M-block GK was my favourite haunt in college...the endless trips we made round and round on those corridors! To think that these two hubs have been ripped apart by bomb blasts, really shook me! I could have been there! I could have fallen prey...! In fact there could be a bomb anywhere I go? Sometime back, around the time the Bangalore, Ahmedabad blasts happened, The Times Group and Times Now was under threat. Apparently some terrorist outfit had blamed us for sensationalising terror attacks (btw...don't they want just that??) Anyways, we have been told not to receive any guests, not even family members in office! All our guests are frisked and their baggage checked...an exercise which is highly ridiculous considering we share space with a popular theatre joint! If anyone truly wants to target us, they can do so quite easily...let me not give any ideas! Anyways the point behind all this is that I really felt vulnerable...but at the same time I was angry. Much like the unknown Indian...the aam aadmi...I was angry at my inability to fight terror! I felt incapacitated...helpless...and weak! Unable to retaliate, I felt the fear of losing life for the first time. It wasn't the first time really. I have felt the same way each time there has been a terrorist attack in any part of the country.

My brother is quite untouched by this fear. When I told him that we aren't going to watch Last Lear, he didn't respond. But when I sat glued to my television watching the reportage, he was quite perturbed! Yesterday when I refused to let him go out of home, he pulled a long face and sulked the whole day. But today he managed to get away! Anyways, he is young...ruthless and doesn't really care for such fears! He is truly liberated!

Am I a coward? Do I lack the courage to face death? Perhaps not...it's just that I am scared of being a hapless victim of such dastardly act. If it were a natural death, I wouldn't complain. But an accident at the hands of a reckless driver...or an innocent passerby at a bomb blast site...I am not prepared to be that!

There are many who share this fear. A few watchful days and then the fear washes away. And just when we tend to relax, there is another gruesome reminder. But life goes on...I am amazed at the people of our country who refuse to let go of their fighting spirit. I like to say that I am one of those people...strong and weak at the same time.

What about you?

A Wednesday

Put Naseer and Anupam in one story and what do you get? A gripping film no doubt! 

The film is narrated in flashback where Anupam Kher a.k.a Prakash Rathod, the Commissioner of Mumbai Police narrates the most difficult day in office...the day he has to deal with Naseer, the nameless character. He portrays a vindictive terrorist outfit honcho who holds the city at ransom in return of four jailed terrorists. He is a the ultimate techie, adept at using the best of modern day technology...be it the making of a bomb triggered by a cellphone, or using multiple sim cards to make calls, Naseer leaves no stones unturned to keep the entire police force at tenterhooks. They do his bidding out of fear...only to realise that he was never a threat! 

Directed by Neeraj Pandey, A Wednesday is yet another fine story told in recent times. Aamir and Mumbai Meri Jaan were two recent films that touched on the theme of terrorism and gave us an insight into the victims' minds. In both these films you empathise with the victims and feel the fear of being caught in the cross fire of mindless acts of violence...A Wednesday takes the feeling a step forward! 

Naseer gives the otherwise silent Aam Admi a voice. A voice that is never heard...a voice that is silenced by perpetrators of terror. The average Indian wants to lead a fearless life, wants to leave home to earn his bread and butter and return home to his family every evening. The humdrum of daily life is thrown haywire when people are caught unawares in mindless blood bath caused by acts of terrorism. The one's planting the bombs are faceless people, the people who they want to communicate to are distant...the one's in the middle are people like you and me! In A Wednesday, Naseer lends a voice to the common man who lives in constant fear. His methodology may be wrong, but his message is strong enough for the administration to take note of. 

I liked Jimmy Shergill as the angry young policeman whose glare can make a suspect pee in his pants. Aamir Bashir as the conscientious cop is believable. Deepal Shaw could take some lessons in dialogue delivery from Naseer and Anupam!

But watch the film for Naseer...Anupam is rather straight jacketed and he does not compare as well to Naseer when it comes to the sheer power of performance. However, he is precise in his portrayal of a hapless police chief who is perpetually tied to the Chief Minister's office! 

       

Writer's Block

When I was young, let's say when I was in school, I wrote poems. Poems about friendship, seasons, my family...crushes and even my first love! When we formed SARRA (our band), I even penned a few songs, which I must admit never found their tune since I was always so worried about public censure! I also wrote a diary, towards which I was fiercely religious! But when I tried my hand at writing for the school magazine, I found myself to be politely rejected! Not that I was tested on my writing skills...it was just a one-on-one interview, thank God, I never got to write for it! In college, my room mate and I were inspired to write a play. During my post graduation, I tried my hand at story writing and even screenplay...all because it was part of my curriculum! 

Anyways, the purpose behind writing such a long preamble to my writing career is that I have written on several occasions. Sometimes for the sake of self expression, at others for the sake of others! But on all these occasions, I never took it seriously...never attached any importance to the act of writing a piece of fiction. 

Fiction stimulates me...I always say that one must remember a book for the story it tells. In fact that goes for any piece of writing. If the content is worth reading, there'd always be someone wanting to read it. Now I wish, I had shared my poems and not stacked them away. I wish I had sung those songs, maybe SARRA would have won some more competitions! That was my writer's block...never had the courage! I could never take the plunge! There wasn't a dearth of ideas...never! They always kept flowing...and I always kept writing. Just that I was a coward...too worried about what people would think of me!

For all those people who have known me since my growing up days, this would be a revelation of sorts. I have never shared my writings with anyone! In fact till date, I have never kept a copy of anything! Phew...all those moments of self indulgence are a waste now. I would write something, read it aloud, keep it for a few days and then tear it away! I think I only treasured the (chat) chits that we circulated in class 7th the longest! 

It's taken me a while to come to terms with my writer's block...today I am not scared of public opinion. I am not scared of the brick-bracks. I may not be as good as a Jhumpa Lahiri...but hey, I may have something worth reading! And if it is not...you are always welcome to close your window or move on to the next blog! 

Rock On

When Farhan said ‘Rock On’ I was eager to rock with him…and after watching the film I am still rocking! Yet another cult film from Farhan’s stable (since he is the producer), Rock On is an instant hit. I followed the message at the end of the film and bought myself a DVD of the music album…and as I croon with Farhan now, let me type out why the movie clicked for me…

DISCLAIMER: I hate most reviews since they give away the story line...and so while I write my own, I am extra careful about not having any spoilers. But to talk about a movie without giving away some crucial elements is a dampner too...so I'll attempt to bring out the elements in the film, without giving away the story line!

Joe, Rob, KD (killer drummer) and Adi (Aditya) together make Magik - interestingly, the first sequence of the film where they discuss their song is all shot in a long shot where you hardly get to see the faces of the characters except for Rampal's (my guess is that he is the only character who didn't have a curiosity factor!)...the musical instruments and gadgets have of course been shot very stylistically, with shift focus and the works...! The real faces come forth in the band's first performance 'Socha Hai'...a song that makes you get up and jump.

Post the casting, its cut to present day - A guy in a night club, tries to make a joke and is deserted by his female friends, unperturbed, he continues to dance alone. A struggling guitarist refuses to let go off his past, lives with his once sweet-girlfriend-turned-nagging-wife, son and grandma. A music composer dabbles with his unpublished notes in a Bollywood music composer's studio; despite the praise, he is unfazed. A successful investment banker is married to a pretty and doting wife, lives in a swanky apartment and drives a BMW. He is promoted to a 14th floor office, but that too is not a reason for him to smile. There is a sense of gloom in their lives; no one knows what the reason is. As the narrative unfolds, there are snatches of flashback where the back story is revealed…a group of college yuppies who swear by their music and even sing Nadeem - Shravan numbers during dandiya to make money and buy equipment for a gig! Those were the happier days, when the foursome jammed in a shady basement…and had big dreams of cutting an album. As events turn, the friendship is soured and the band members disband each other and their collective dream. Life thereon is never the same…while KD reconciles to his job at his father’s store, Rob tinkers on his keyboard half heartedly, Joe plays his guitar on an odd occasion and broods over the days gone by and Adi forgets that he ever had a musical past.

The rest of the film is about how these characters get together to relive or let’s say fulfill their dreams. After all it is a film that says, it’s never too late to chase one’s dreams…!

I can watch the film again…here is why:

'Dil Chahta Hai' Factor – ‘Friends, dosti, forever’ is the central theme. There are a few things that you can never do without friends…this is a film just about that! Charting a character’s life from early twenties to mid thirties is difficult territory since most characters are above the exposed age group. All four lead characters have done a superb job of it. The frivolity of youth makes way for mature and almost responsible thinking at a later age.

The Music - Despite being a film about rock music, the music album will find its space in every music lover’s collection. Shankar –Ehsaan –Loy have delivered no doubt, but the real star in the music score is of course Farhan and his vocal cords! Until yesterday, I had only heard two songs on the radio (Rock On and Socha Hai), but the rest of the album is as compelling as the first two! You will want to stand, jump with the pump, sway with a lighted candle and even head bang with the band members!

Fine acting - For once, the characters speak their minds. Of course most of it is possible due to the marvelous portrayal of characters by the actors. Prachi ‘Bani’ Desai’s celluloid debut maybe not as dynamic, but she has played her character (Sakshi) to perfection. Within her limited on-screen presence, she has proved that she is worth playing a leading lady. Shahana Goswami a.ka. Debbie is the other power-house of talent in the film. Purab a.k.a Killer Drums / KD is of course great with his sense of humor, but its high time he gets a well sketched role. Luke Kenny a.k.a. Rob is mild yet lovable…the twist in his story at the end of the film is of course a little contrived. Rampal a.k.a Joe is good only in parts; through most of the film he is seen brooding (a tad more than the others) with a stoned face! And lastly, Farhan. To me, Farhan A.ka. Aditya Shroff / Adi is the best of the lot. I have always believed that a good director has to be a good actor if he wants his actors to translate his vision on celluloid…Farhan has just given us a glimpse of what a fine actor he is. Look out for Adi when he is unadulterated yet calculated in his interaction with his band members in the flashback scenes…and watch him in his somber and comprising avtar when he leads his life as an investment banker.

Narrative - There are many ways to tell a story...begin in the present and go into a flashback, then return to the present to continue the story. Or begin in the flashback to flow into the present. In both cases, till the interval, you know what the crux of the story is and how it will be resolved in the second half...Rock On has rocked this funda too! The constant back and forth makes it an interesting watch.

And yes…I did have a few frowns too:
The scene where the band parts ways could have been better written.
Adi’s realization that his life is incomplete without music seemed a little fragmented to me.
His love affair in the flashback scenes seems abrupt.
The scene where the foursome gets together again is wimp.
Rob’s turning point and his friends confronting him is too clichéd.

Its little wonder that Abhishek Kapoor (his claim to fame is that he is Jitender’s nephew and Twinkle Khanna’s one-time boyfriend) has written a story and directed it well too…I believe (much akin to the Aamir-Ashutosh-Lagaan myth) Farhan’s cinematic sense has been generously peppered through the making of this film! I could be wrong…but I’d like to believe it that way…

I’d say…Watch ‘Rock On’ for:
1) A story that anyone can connect with…it’s never too late to chase your dreams!
2) The music…you will LOVE it! And finally,
3) Farhan Akhtar – the actor and the singer – he is simply irresistible!

Mumbai Meri Jaan

A day after my birthday, I decided to treat myself to a film...considering I missed my Friday ritual last week. When someone told me that Mumbai Meri Jaan had received great reviews, I deliberately did not read it, coz most reviews contain spoilers. So I registered on Bookmyshow and bought myself 4 tickets...for me, my better half, brother and aunt. The movie was at 10 pm...the perfect reason for me to leave early from work!

The venue was Spice Mall in Noida, its almost become our regular haunt...we've watched close to 5 films back to back there. Anways, we reached late and everyone had a breezy dinner,except me, I decided to have popcorn for dinner....wouldn't miss it for anything in the world!

Anyways, now for the film...what really struck me was that the film had set up his characters in the first quarter of the film, well before the real catalyst in the story, i.e, the 7/11 Mumbai local train blast took place. (Strangely, despite seeing the promos lots of people didn't realise that the train blast was the subject of the film!) And through the next quarter, the problems the character were meant to face were defined. Post interval, the movie took an almost predictable turn...towards the resolution.

Soha plays a hard hitting journalist, who lives for her job. At all times of the day, she plays the role of a television professional, and never cringes at asking a bereaved villager how she feels after her husband's death.

Kay Kay Menon is an out-of-job computer salesman who whiles away time at a local eatery with his equally useless friends. His most precious preoccupation? Bashing Mussalmans...

Irrfan Khan is a migrant Keralite who sells cutting chai and coffee (I think) during nights. A small man in a big city, he plays the guy who you see everyday at the corner of the road, but always miss.

Madhavan is a true Indian. A patriot at heart, he believes one man's effort can change the world. He's bid goodbye to the big American dream, laments the damage caused to the environment and swears by the Mumbai local trains.

Paresh Rawal plays the lovable constable who is serving his last week in the Mumbai Police force. Not the one to get into a controversy, he has had a satisfying career and is looked up to by everyone in the force.

The film does not have a great storyline...in fact there is none if you see it. Each character is following his/her own story and only two characters meet through the entire film. I am not here to add another spoiler...I won't give the storyline away...in fact I'll not write about the entire film...I'll mention only what I really liked and why...

Paresh Rawal a.k.a Patil Saab - Lovable, the kind to get out of trouble smiling,Patil Saab has never done anything big in his nearly four decades of career. Adored and idolised by his juniors, Patil is the perfect cop that everyone wants to be. Even as Mumbai, the city that has given him all that he has is ripped apart by 7 blasts, he is nonplussed. He gets away smiling...but towards the end of the film he looks at himself in the eye. His final speech about all that he has never achieved is something that we all make in our hearts, but never confront them in our lives.

Kay Kay Menon a.ka. Suresh - He is the quintessential jobless guy and a living example of the axiom 'an empty mind is a devil's workshop'...but he is also the guy who is voicing the belief of many Indians - that all Muslims are terrorists. He is willing to change his name to Suleiman to spy on a suspect, he is willing to follow him to Haji Ali...but he refuses to work for a firm run by a Muslim only because he has sworn that he would never work with them. As events roll out he realises that his hatred has a cyclical effect, the consequences are worth watching.

Irffan Khan a.k.a Thomas - Through the film he has hardly spoken a word of Hindi...he speaks Malyalam through the film. But his expressions steal the show. He represents the people that move to the city of dreams in search of a better future, but they are the ones who are left behind. He too has his dreams, but he never gets to realise them. He is a nice guy who lets his evil side rule him only when he is hurt...but is also quick to regret and make up. He shows us a person that is in all of us...

For me, Soha and Madhavan's characters weren't all too impressive when compared to the other three for several reasons, but here is what I really couldn't digest-
Soha's character doesn't resolve the conflict till the end of the film. She continues to be what she is and sheds a few tears in the process. Being a television professional, my heart goes out to her, but if I were in her place, I would have vindicated my existence in a different way!
Madhavan's character was left thinking and introspecting through most of the film. While the blasts leave him shaken and no more a true blood Indian, through most of the show is seen counting the merits of America. Though his fear is an urban phenomena, he doesn't quite face it whole heartedly...I think his character could have done much better, especially in the climax scene.

I'd say, watch Mumbai Meri Jaan only for these three guys...you'll love them, connect with them and take a part of them with you when you step out of the hall.

Thoughtlessness...

thought·less

adj.

1. Marked by or showing lack of due thought or care; careless. See Synonyms at careless.
2. Inconsiderate; inattentive: a thoughtless remark.
3. Lacking thought: The debate turned into thoughtless bickering.

Noun

1. thoughtlessness - the quality of failing to be considerate of others
inconsiderateness, inconsiderationunkindness - lack of sympathy
tactlessness - the quality of lacking tact
bluntness - the quality of being direct and outspoken; "the bluntness of a Yorkshireman"
considerateness, thoughtfulness, consideration - kind and considerate regard for others; "he showed no consideration for her feelings"

2. thoughtlessness - the trait of not thinking carefully before acting
unthoughtfulness trait - a distinguishing feature of your personal nature
foolhardiness, recklessness, rashness - the trait of giving little thought to danger
impulsiveness - the trait of acting suddenly on impulse without reflection

Strange...!!! I never considered the negative connotations of the word thoughtless when I claimed to be one! Thank God...no one took it for its literal meaning...!

I would rather define it as:

the ability to be devoid of thoughts

NOT to be confused with - the lack of thoughts

Yes...its an ability...its a talent that is not inborn...its a talent that has to be learnt...thoughtlessness is a state that needs to be attained.

Why?...

Don't we all want to?

Why should we want to? There is always so much to think about!

Exactly for the same reason...!

Have you ever spent a quiet moment?

No...

Have you ever longed to spend a moment when your mind is not cluttered?

Hmmm...yes...sometimes...

How often?

Well...quite often

How often?

I think...everyday...

Why do you think it happens?

Because there is always something to think about! The mind gets tired...

Would you like to escape your thoughts?

Is it possible?

That's being thoughtless...!

This was the debate that raged through me...am I missing out on life because of my thoughts? Have I stopped living? i realised I only think...and not act...there is no growth...no movement...only useless thoughts...

Negative

Harmful

Depressing

Regressive

One thought leads into another...then the next one comes haunting you...there is really no escaping!

On your way to work you think over the fight you've had with your parents / spouse or room mate...your kid's nagging health worries you...you get to office, your boss screams down your neck while you are rushing towards meeting the deadline...a phone call and the deadline gets preponed...the dinner with your friends who you've been promising to catch up with for the last 6 months goes for a toss...your colleagues bitch behind your back...after a long day as you drive back home you have a flat tyre...after a 3 hour battle in the traffic when you reach home, you're shouted at for being late...and as you lie down to sleep, there is not wink of sleep that comes calling...you continue to think...

There is always a thought that takes over another...something that is even more worrying...more demanding...more depressing...adding more lines on the forehead....

Hey...but there are happy thoughts too...! Did I skip those...? We all do...we choose to ponder over the ones that are more depressing...

I am not talking about living in the present...there are people who have done that...there are people who do that everyday! I am talking about not letting my thoughts take me over...its a battle that I fight...of not letting things affect me...of not spending too much time over anything. So do I have thoughts? yes I do...just that I think them over and let them go...I dont repeat it over and over in my head...I dont let it bring me down...I dont let it spoil my mood...my peace of mind...

How do I do it?

I stay calm...and tell myself...'this wont affect me'! It's a shield that I have been trying to build...it's the raincoat that wills save me from an unannounced shower...an unexpected event that could lead to unwanted thoughts!

What do I do about happy thoughts?

I let them linger for a moment longer...but I know they will go...

The reason why I don't call this 'living in the present' is because we then tend to not think of the future...I would say lets not think at all...!

How long can you sustain it?

There is no answer...I call it the bane of urban living...thoughts are meant to haunt you...disappointments are meant to hurt you...failures are meant to discourage you...but all you can do is that you can at least try to get rid of them...even if for a moment....

Is it worth a try??

I would say...try it...!